Zingers - 25 Easy Ways to Curb Church Growth

25 Easy Ways to Curb Church Growth

Begin your message with the phrase, "You know what's wrong with
you people..."

Begin that year-long sermon series on the 40 weeks of Daniel.

Place tire puncture strips in the parking lot for cars going the
wrong way before Sunday school.

Keep the Christmas pageant livestock in the church choir room year
'round.

If your auditorium slopes downward to the platform, give every kid
under 12 a handful of marbles before the service.

Give deacons the ability to "gong" the special music.

Place the outdoor welcome center tent a few feet from the septic
tank.

Replace the pictures of former pastors with pictures of Larry,
Moe, and Curly.

Put a blank for "weight" on the membership information forms.

In order to feel relevant, say "Dude" 15 times from the pulpit
each Sunday.

Have the organist play hockey cheers at pivotal moments of the
sermon.

Before the offertory hymn, have the worship leader scream, "Show
me the money!"

Illustrate all sermons or Sunday school lessons with scenes from
"Walker, Texas Ranger."

Charge tolls for the use of restrooms.