Five Ways To Get Rid Of Your Pastor

Sit up front, smile and say "amen" every time he says something good. He will preach himself to death.

Pat him on the back and tell him what good work he is doing in the church and community. He will work himself to death.

Increase your offering in the church. Then he will suffer from shock.

Tell him you have decided to join the visitation group and win souls for the Lord. He will probably suffer a heart attack.

Get the whole church to band together and pray for him. He will get so efficient that some other church will hear about him and give him a call. That will take him off your hands.

- Parsons Bible Illustrator 3.0

SKEPTIC CONVERTED
A minister preached a sermon one evening and went home utterly discouraged. He felt that he was a failure in the ministry, though at the same time he was greatly burdened for the lost. Some time past midnight his doorbell rang, and the leader of the choir, who was known as a bit of a skeptic, came to him saying, "Doctor, I am in agony concerning my soul. Your sermon tonight has convicted me of my sin, and I must have help or I shall die." In a very short time he was rejoicing in Christ. When asked what it was in the sermon that had impressed him, he said, "It was not so much what you said as the way you said it. I could see by the look in your eye and by the very pathos in your voice that you were longing for men to be saved, and I could not resist your message."